Fall 17 Graduate Drawing/Painting ARTS 6033/6133

What do I have to say that's actually worth saying? What actually matters?” This week I cut a huge sheet of paper and covered one of my studio walls with it, and wrote the above questions in the center. From there, I wrote other words and phrases around it, then other related ideas around those, circling each and drawing a line between connected ideas. After an hour or two, I had a big spiderweb of ideas on the wall, with things ranging from “depression” to “river on fire.” I've come to accept that this is the time to start having the uncomfortable conversations I've been avoiding, and the prospect of opening up in that way is terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for about a decade, and I've only ever talked to a handful of people about it. To take those ideas and experiences and give them physical form and display them to people is unsettling, and I think that making them accessibl...

I had the opportunity to have a studio visit with an artist named Kyle Peets this week ( http://kylepeets.com/ ) and thought I would reflect on some of the things that came up during that visit. We talked about failure being an underlying theme in much of the work, not failure in the creation of the work, but failure in the usefulness of the objects and systems that I have assembled. I’m going to spend time analyzing the use of failure in relation to myself. We also talked about the idea of the one liner in my work which is also a critique he has received in the past. I wrote down a quote from him… “What's the harm of a one liner in the context of a paragraph”. I’m going to continue exploring framing my work as a whole and letting one liners enhance and add interest to or engagement in a broader conversation.

so what does it mean to video myself painting and painting over a video of myself that is being projected onto the canvas that I am painting on and then project the end result on the canvas that I was working on? it's like creating the noise of the world in my studio it's like a sonorous mass it's like working out a painting and a video simultaneously it's like the textures are buzzing it's like chanting a melody it's like a riotous celebration of the sound in my head it's like playing instruments in ways that they were not meant to be played it's like an ugly, etherial, self absorbed, self appropriated beauty it's like a-tonal it's coming from a sense of dread it's like a self imposed limitation it's like writing a film in response to the score it's like what it's like when something just makes me laugh it's like being reminded to keep a sense of humor about myself                               ...

Questions of the week: - What does a pattern make? An image? Do patterns more easily expose flaws?   Side Notes of the week: - color enhancing the context, consider reflections of color, colored lighting - artificial vs. organic - handmade vs. machine and the different contexts they hold. Handmade holding time, irregularities, care. Machine holds unseen time displacement, consistency, and coldness. - human intention vs. biological Artist of the week:   Rogan Brown, "To see a World in a Grain of Sand" and " Magic Circle Variation 2017"   Rogan Brown's work explores and plays with the architecture of nature and organic growth. Using macroscopic and microscopic references he is able to identify patterns and motifs that occur in the natural world and translate them into hybrid sculptural forms, both real and surreal. By referencing  many different scientific structures (cell, coral, fossils, shells, body, geological structures, topographic...

Thoughts for painting the painted set maybe I should photograph the scene, do some painting studies, take the photo into photoshop? Make the floor higher Key phrases written in the set to repeat the narrative. Had to slow down on the For Elizabeth painting, re-painted several times. I think I’m finally pleased with the color palette. So I believe...that makes two larger paintings and one smaller one fairly complete. I def don’t want to touch the other two. Going to re-paint the diptych tomorrow and start on Henry’s painting. And start writing page #s.. I looked at a few books of short stories to reference placement and typeface. Make the paintings look like they are in the mind of the author, at least put the page #s on the small ones, not completely sold on the larger ones yet though. The window painting works because all of the values are the same and it’s just a change of hue... Showing edits on paper in the study --good, positive response. Same question… how...

Does size matter?

This week, a considerable amount of my time has been spent on drawing, rather than painting.  + Why drawing?   # Drawing has always been a visual brainstorming form me, but this time it is a little bit different from past: I am designing a playground and defining new rules for visual elements.  I thought I was running away from  the narrative , but when I started drawing, suddenly I found myself telling  stories  and thinking about narratives. Here is where questions  arise : What is my relationship with narrative? Do I like to say something?  Or  do not?  Or  is it  necessary  to define a limitation?  + Hey Ziba!  You  must make a  decision  whether you want to tell a story or not!  # Sorry, I have a question, Can I be flexible in storytelling?