I dont know

I think the hardest thing about working in ways that I am either uncomfortable with or don't know much about is not having a clear understanding for myself about what I feel is "good" or "bad".  I can't tell when something is successful or not.   I mean I can tell when some formal aspect is speaking conceptually to the work, but I can't tell if it "looks good".  Jesus, I mean I feel like I am loosing it a bit.  what a mind fuck to step back from on of my own paintings and simply only be able to say...   I don't know.  its not helped much by the fact that I spend hours trying to convince one of my tools, my computer, a) what I want it to do & b) that it should actually agree with me and go ahead and just do it.
I will say that even though this whole new media/projection/painting thing is new to me and leaving me a bit groundless, it has stirred me up inside like painting did before it got mechanical.  there is something about standing back and seeing a painting projected back onto itself.   there is something about seeing myself in action, painting...   lol... action painting (I used to think that was such bull shit).  there is something about seeing a painting that I have painted, appear and then disappear right in front of my own eyes.   there is something about being able to go back and forth between 2 realities...   the reality of the painted, residue, object hanging in physical space on the wall in front of me.  then there is the reality where the past is present, physical action and imagery continuously are born and die, on a constant loop.  
it is definitely what the work is about...   remembering.  our society seems to have an instant forgetter when it comes to the present moment.  we forget about last weeks devastating hurricane when this weeks hurricane takes the previous ones spot in the news.   we forget about presidents who owned slaves and killed a million Japanese civilians when our current one acts like a dick head...  again...  we forget about the previous show in the gallery when the nail holes are caulked and a couple of fresh coats of gallery paint get rolled on.  we forget that to point a finger and accuse anyone of anything is just us being hypocrites...  because even if we haven't done it before, we probably have thought about it many times.
so I guess for me to say "I don't know" would be an ironic response to the idea of not being able to remember.  are they different?   I don't know.